Accountibility Day 3

Today was super good :o)
Breakfast: 2 x weetbix with Almond milk & sultanas
Lunch: 4 little slices of rye bread with lean ham, tomato & a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. Glass of Pepsi Max
Dinner: Spaghetti Bologna [lean beef] with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. Glass of Pepsi Max [Drinking more and more of that stuff :o/]
Snacks: 4-5 plain Marie biscuits.
Exercise: 40 mins Just Dance.

My week slump had no time to turn into a habit. Once i picked up my healthy living again, i fell into it easily. If i had let my old ways eat me up for any longer, i might not have been so lucky. Falling off the wagon is game of Russian roulette.

Accountibility Day 2

Oh man..Today was a bit naughty. Lucky i exercised!
Breakfast: Apricot and almond muesli with almond milk.
Lunch: 2 x wholemeal toast with 2 dry fried eggs and a small can of baked beans. Glass of Pepsi Max
Dinner: 3 home made rissoles [very healthy and low fat], mashed potato, peas and a corn cob. 2 x Glasses of Pepsi Max
Snacks. About 6 failed choc chip cookies and a few decent tablespoons of condensed milk. [Why why whyyyy]
Exercise: 40 mins Wii Just Dance and 11649 steps ;o) [does that make the cookies better?]

And The Sabotage Monster Makes An Appearance Cont...

I've hit my first real stumbling block this year,and it's an old demon i didn't prepare for, but should have.
I've been doing so good in every situation. My head has been in the right places and everything has just fallen into place. I even think i'm figuring out secrets to permanent weigh loss [I:E aiming to be healthy, not thin]
And then last weeks weigh in was 170 kilos exactly. My first big goal was to get under that. I haven't been there for years and each time i'm a few hundred grams off getting there, my diet hits a brick wall and i fall.
I didn't even think i'd hit that wall this time because i've been in such a good place, but i should have thought about it and prepared for it. Because here i am, at the foot of that wall.
This week hasn't been good health wise. I've had gastro and not exercised at all. But i've made crap food choices too. I've had some meat pies, KFC, late night snacking, booze binges,cake and bickies galore. Why? the same reason it's happened every time before: I just dont know. Something inside me clicks over into sabotage monster mode.
I feel yuck because my body isn't getting decent fuel. Mentally i'm hating on myself for not only doing this to myself but for not knowing why.
So humour me while i think out loud....
Maybe i think that if i get under 170, i'll have to start again with another 10 kilo goal and it's easier to focus on the 10 kilos already lost, and the pride that goes with it, than to think ok i've got to this goal, now to start on the next".and see another 10 in front of me, like that 10 discredits the previous 10 somehow. well i have another 90 kilos to lose, so if thats how i'm thinking, i better figure it out quick!

Fat has always been a security blanket for me. I have abandonment issues and if someone is going to reject me/leave me, i can blame the fat rather than myself. Like they have to reject the fat coz they cant get to whats inside.I've in the 170's, 180's so long, that maybe its my comfort zone. Maybe 169 kilos signifies vulnerability. Maybe leaving myself open a bit and i'm not prepared for that.

I cant think of any other reasons why it could happen, [except a few unreasonable mind games i play with myself that i'd feel stupid writing here] but maybe that is enough to work with and ponder.
I need to get over this hurdle and fast. I don't want to crumble at the foot of that wall :o/

And of course i put on 1.9 kilos [4.1lbs]. I'm surprised i didn't do more damage with what i did to myself!

Edit: I've decided to add my meals here for this week. I need the accountability until i get back on track.

Today:

Breakfast: 2 x wholemeal toast with 1 sliced egg. Latte with full milk & 1 sugar.

Lunch: 2 x whole meal toast with low fat margarine, cut into little solders. A can of chunky beef soup. Glass of Pepsi Max.

Dinner: Stir fry veges with half a chicken breast and sweet & sour stir fry sauce. Glass of Pepsi Max.

Exercise: 40 mins Just Dance Wii.

Water 3/4 a litre

Progress Is A Sweet Dessert

This week has been fanmazing! I've exercised every second day including a water aerobics on Tuesday that was the best work out i've ever had in the pool. My food has been great. The amount of not-very-good things i'd had, i can count on 1 hand. I even went to Pizza Hut [My Nemesis] and came out on top.....
If i can defeat Pizza Hut, i can defeat ANYTHING!
Although i have a confession. The last 2 days i've had some Mother energy drinks. I've really needed the kick! Very naughty i know, but i don't plan on having any more.

I'm getting a bit bored with my meals. I'm a creature of habit and tend to stick to a small variety. I'm eating a lot of stir frys, with the only real variant being the sauce. I'll have to find some fresh recipes.
I have realised that i've pretty much cut out red meat from my diet with the exception of the occasional ham sandwich. I didn't do that on purpose, it just worked out that way.
Someone has been taking down my adverts that i'm putting up for our weight loss support group, at the local supermarket, and video store notice board [And only mine]. How friggen rude! I put the 4th one up yesterday, but i haven't been back to see if it's still there. Why would someone do that? It's out in the open so they risk being seen, taking something that has nothing to do with them. I put a lot of work into the posters and it's for a community service. It's annoying me & making me feel all stabby lol

I have no weigh in result this week O_o The scales need a new battery. But when i stood on them, they wavered between 169 and 171. It said 169 so i got excited & ran off to get my camera to take a pic of the number, and then it said 171 when i stood on it again. Maybe i built muscle mass on the run to get the camera lol
[edit] Today [next morning] i put a new battery in the scale and it read 170kilos. That's a loss this week of 1.5 kilos [3.3lbs]. [3.5 kilos if i count the 2 kilos i had to re-lose, but i'm not counting weight i have to re-lose]. Thats a total loss of 11.9 kilos this year. Woot!

2 Steps Forward. 1 Step Back

My header has vanished. Can anyone else see it?

This week was bad. I was sick for most of it. John and i went out on Valentines and we ate and drank heartily. I had planned that and could have recovered, but i felt really sick the next day. I was lethargic & my stomach was really on edge and i ate heavy stuff to settle it. Bready, stodgy stuff. I just didn't/don't know how to prepare healthy stuff that was heavy & would sit in the gut for a while. At first i thought it was a hangover [i don't normally get them] but i was sick the next day too, and kept feeling like that until i started perking up on Sat night.
I didn't exercise during that time except for a half arsed attempt at learning some very confusing Zumba moves.
And in that time we had 2 birthday celebrations - John & Jason's.

I gained 2 kilos this week. I won't claim it when i lose that again. I wont add another loss until i surpass that 2 kilos. This gain is NOT a defeat.

I feel a lot better now and am back into and determined to reclaim that 2 kilos +. Yesterday i did my Just Dance and really put everything i had into it! And my eating is back to normal and I'm exploring heavier, healthy meals for when i need them next time.

Rocking The Casbah!

This week was a bit rough. Aunty flo was visiting, i felt awful all week, ate a few naughty things, and exercised 4/7 days. Let me break that down a bit.
No-one wants to exercise when they feel bloated, sore & miserable. But i did the Just Dance twice anyway. And 2 of those exercise sessions were a little boot camp i created in my back yard, so I've shaken things up a bit.
Just before Aunty Flo got here, i had to have chocolate like a vampire needs blood [i do that every month. I'm not a chocolate lover any other time. As soon as my period starts the craving is gone] so i bought a small packet of scorched almonds and enjoyed them immensely. And in order to have some damage control, i skipped lunch. In hind sight that's not a good idea. I'll have to look at better options. The chocolate is a given but Even if i had of had the scorched almonds AND a light salad. It's only one day a month, but i want every day to be the best it can be. No guilt, no dramas.
Then on Thursday Rose bought home some delicious biscuits she's made in her cooking class at school. I had to have one [1] to let her show them off, but then she held a gun to my head and made me eat the rest. Not really ;o)

Other than that, the week has been ok. I haven't had one energy drink and it was fairly easy to give them up. Last time i gave them up for a while, it actually felt like the blood was being drained from my veins. One of the most bizarre feelings ever! But that was when i was drinking the red Mothers too, and they are full sugar etc. This time it was the low carb ones. So because it was fairly easy, i thought i'd dive into my next baby step - switching to soy milk. Only to find that soy milk is actually no healthier than cows milk and is quite controversial. So i'll give that a miss. But i also tried Almond milk for a recipe i found for banana & almond smoothies on The Biggest Loser website, and i LOVE it! It was nice in the smoothie & on other things. It's filling too. I tried it on my weet bix. I have 2 and i felt like i'd had 3 or 4. It's definitely going to be a regular in my pantry!

Dinner in our house has become a bit haphazard. Half of the time it's 'get it yourself', because i just don't want to cook two meals. I feel like Super Chef, juggling 2 lots of pots & pans! But the upside of cooking 2 meals or just for me, is i can cook stuff that i like, at the consistency i like. Example: John & the kids like their veges boiled to a pulp [gross!] But i like mine only just softened. I like a little spice, but no-one else does. So i get to cook awesome stuff. Woot!

And this week i cracked the 10 kilo loss! I lost 2.1 kilos [4.6lbs] making my total loss 10.4 kilos [22.9lbs] so far this year. Woot! Here's what that 10 kilos of life destroying fat looks like....

I'm totally rocking!

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

This week has been good. I haven't exercised as much as i probably should have -4/7 days. I aim for something every day, but don't beat myself up if i miss a day. Stuff happens.
I decided that Just Dance was getting a bit easy [still tough if i choose all the fast paced songs. But if i do just them i usually get uncoordinated and end up falling over lol] So i made up some sort of boot camp routine for my back yard. I did it this morning, twice, and it lasted 25 mins. Better tweak that to make it last longer. And apparently i'm a bit precious and need an exercise mat coz the ground was uneven and things were sticking into me...*trails off in a pouty, whiny voice*
This weeks support group meeting was good. 5 people again [6 if you count John, Listening from his computer desk in the corner] And we talked about what exercise we are doing and this coming weeks goals, And we showed off our motivation cork boards to each other. They were lovely!
Here's mine so far...

[First thing i can see is that ugly glue coming through the paper, bah!] The butterflies around the edges represent new life. I want to buy some of those shoes when i can. There's a pic of people hiking coz i really want to hike. At the moment hills are too much, but not for long. There's a list of affirmations to say to myself under the word "WIN", And a juice recipe for a natural energy boost that i want to try, and if i like it, have it each morning. I'll gradually fill this board :o)

Today was my first day without my precious low carb Mother energy drinks. They are officially off the menu and i won't be buying them anymore. Today i replaced them with Pepsi Max, but i won't be transferring the habit, All though Pepsi Max was my choice of drink before i discovered Mother, It makes me sick if i drink too much now. I did ok today without it, but i know tomorrow i'll miss it. Last time i gave it up i felt like my blood was being drained from my veins! Sad isn't it? That it can have THAT effect!

Me after drinking my last can :o/

This week i lost 1.9 kilos, but because of that kilo gain last week, i'm only claiming .9 [1.9lbs] of that, and i'm happy with that. Making my total loss this year 8.3 [18.3lbs]

Yay!